It’s a time of new beginnings in the Gardner household. Spring is in the air, and as it begins to warm up – more gradually than we would like – Chicago is emerging out of hibernation, us included. We’ve finally been able to take advantage of more sunny days, including going on bike rides with Miles.
But the biggest reason for our new found buoyancy: Caroline has found a new job she loves, one that has many implications for our family’s future. I don’t want to reveal too many details here, but let’s just say that this job has long-term positive implications for Miles (and any subsequent children we may have) and for our family. We’ve been working on this for months, and now that she’s finally secured it, and we couldn’t be happier.
But because her new job affects our current and future children, it dawned on us that she is basically setting herself up to be at this job for the next 18-20 years. Which means we’ve set ourselves up to be in Chicago for at least the next 18-20 years. And that feels heavy.
Don’t get me wrong – I love Chicago. And I am very confident that Caroline will be happy in her new position long-term. But it used to feel like if an opportunity came up that wanted to lure us away from Chicago, we’d at least consider it. Now it’s not even an option. That’s how good this job of hers is.
At first I found this realization stifling, in a very my-generation sort of way. You mean I’m stuck in the same place for at least two decades? Can someone turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?
Then I realized that this choice we made is the same choice we’ve been making. It’s the same choice we made when we decided to get married at a young age. It’s the choice we made when we decided to be one of the first out of our friends to have kids. It’s stability over versatility, commitment over freedom of choice.
When looked at in this light, I actually found it kind of freeing. It reminds me of this great TED talk I recently heard about the “Paradox of Choice” (embedded below for your enjoyment). It’s basic premise: too many choices have made us less happy, not more. By that logic, the constraints we’ve placed on our life should actually help us be more content. And that’s exciting.
I highly encourage you to check out this video. Definitely worth your time.
What do you think? Are we crazy for locking ourselves into such a long-term commitment? Would you feel stifled?
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Congratulations to Caroline and your family! I’m very glad to hear of ANYONE obtaining a goal – especially a coveted one that will provide some security for the next few years. I was a little timid reading this figuring you were saying that you’re leaving Chicago, but I’m VERY glad to hear this is all working out (you know, we Morgans are not alone in this). Dig it, make a choice that although the weather is TRYING at times, that you’ll embrace both the good and bad of this city and your outlook will be changed forever.
Thanks, Mike. Nice to hear you guys are having to make similar choices. And we’re definitely not leaving Chicago – quite the opposite!
Agree with Mike in the congratulations. I know that all parties are happy to have landed where they have and Caleb- this potentially means that hopefully your Miles and my Teddy could be future classmates!
Aww, that would be so fun. He’s also 2, right?
I really liked this column. I can see what you are saying with staying there for the next 18 to 20 years. I think it’s great that you two live in a place like Chicago. Could you imagine what it would be like if you were in Oklahoma and having to face that? I mean, Oklahoma isn’t a horrible place to live, but you know what it was like. That makes sense: “too many choices have made us less happy, not more.” I’ve noticed that our generation doesn’t stay at a job for too long. I think it goes with our “nano-second attention” span.
We definitely don’t stay at a job too long. We’re worried we’re missing out somewhere else. But that’s the point, isn’t it? That ultimately having more choices doesn’t make us happier. It just feels like it will.
And re: Oklahoma, if I can successfully escape, so can you.
The thought of being stuck at the same job for the next 18-20 years would scare the shit out of me. It scares me just hearing you say it.
Then again, I’m not really one for long term planning in that sense. If I knew what the next 18-20 years held (and if they were a predictable, repeatable pattern), I wouldn’t like that. I like the excitement and spontaneity.
There’s so much to experience, so much to learn, so much to live. Blocking 18-20 years out of my life for something else doesn’t seem fair.
Thus my point. It is scary, right? I don’t think I could do it. Even being nailed down to Chicago for 20 years is scaring me. But my wife definitely can, and will. She’s just that type of person.
Just out of curiosity, what is it about it that scares you? 20 years is a good chunk, but it’s not your whole life.
20 years on average is about a quarter of one’s life. That’s a LOT.
Who knows, I’ll probably be in Chicago too for the next 20 years. But I don’t HAVE to. I’d rather have the option to do whatever (and if I don’t, I don’t) then not have the option, you know?
Yep, feel the same way. But according to Dr. Barry Schwartz, that’ll make us less happy in the long-run. We need restrictions.
I recognize the feeling you’re describing from the time when we purchased a house since it meant a commitment of 10+ years. I agree that less choice equals more simplicity, equals more happiness. Or more room for creating happiness should you focus your intentions on that. Less choice also allows better focus, and professionally can present opportunities to deepen one’s skills, strengths. Congratulations to your wife & family!
Thanks, Ania. Glad to hear we’re not the only ones.
I visited Chicago as a tourist recently and I have to say, of all the cities to be “stuck” in, Chicago is a pretty great one! You have an amazing city, rich with history and art. You are very fortunate.
Thanks, Emily. Totally OK with being stuck here for that reason.