Today for us was the official first day of summer. Not because it was 90 degrees in Chicago. Or because we grilled out. Or because we sipped mojitos on our patio at sunset. Today was the first day of summer because the three of us decided to make today our first family trip to the beach.
Miles loves playing at the beach. He loves playing at the beach in a way that makes me wish I loved doing anything that much. You can see it on his face when he lifts the sand over his head only to watch it slowly fall back into place; when he casts pebbles into the water to see how big of a splash he can make. He would have stayed at the beach for as long as we let him.
Caroline is amazing at both understanding and cultivating this happiness. She was just as excited as he was, watching him crawl through the white sand, or stare off into the back-and-forth of the waves. But what always gets me about her is that she doesn’t just watch: she gets in there.
If Miles wants to roll around in the sand, she rolls around in the sand. If Miles wants to play in freezing Lake Michigan water, she gets in with him (and I can attest – that water was cold). If Miles wants to get dirty, she gets dirty. Period. No second thoughts, no complaints. She is unabashedly, unashamedly for being with him where he is.
I wish I could say that I operate like this, but I’m not going to lie. My head gets too full of things like, “That water is too cold,” and “I hate having to get sand out of my clothes.” If I’m honest with myself, I realize that my thought process still thinks of me first. Miles is up there of course, and I often do talk myself into doing the things I’m secretly complaining about in my head. But my instinct is to avoid inconveninence. My first inclination is to not jump in to whatever crazy thing he is doing.
I’m getting better. Watching Caroline is of course a huge inspiration to me. I want to have the kind of spontaneity that they both have. I want to be the kind of father who doesn’t think twice about getting his hands dirty with his son.
I’ll make sure to let you know if I ever get there.
